I'm bringing Maxime, Rostom, and his husband Matthieu down to North Carolina for a good ol' Southern Thanksgiving tomorrow morning. We're making the long drive down for some finger-lickin', cranberry-sauced, stuffing-crammed, perfectly cooked turkey. Delicious! I even made an apple pie for the occasion!
Anyholler, we'll be filming an episode or two of "The View From the Bottom": Got any question for us on this Thanksigiving? :)
Hope you have a swell Thanksgiving wherever you are!
Aww isn't it so cute! You can really see the resemblance! This blog has been my lovechild for four years now, and I'm so proud to see it continue to flourish today with the addition this year of new voices and a brand spanking new design. I even was lucky enough to be attacked by Christina Aguilera fans who brought my site down for almost two weeks. I was so flattered. Thank you for thinking this blog matters enough to hack!
As has been my custom on this auspicious occasion, I'd like to highlight my favorite entries from over the years. Check them out and take a whirlwind tour of my life and thoughts!
Thanks for reading and supporting this project. It just keeps getting better and more wonderful to have more people logging on and showing an interest in hearing my thoughts. It's the ultimate flattery. For realz.
CNN covers the trend towards locking teenagers away for life in prison without parole...
Pam Spaulding recounts her experience at Equality North Carolina's Day of Actiong (their annual LGBT lobby day) with Mandy Carter, and I sigh and miss my home...
A new DNA test is much better at finding advanced cervical cancer than the traditional pap smear...
A new ad campaign bets that gay men are the key to reviving NYC's ailing tourism industry...
And that's all for this morning! Off to the gym, and then lunch with the lovely Heather Love, who's visiting Michigan from Penn to do a few lectures on her new project interrogating Erving Goffman's 1963 classic study, Stigma. She's helping us think about the development of a conference for 2010 or 2011 on the 20th anniversary of queer theory.
This has been a long time coming. Throughout my life, there have been essays-in-progress in my mind and in my heart, stories that have been writing themselves for months or even years. This is a story that I've been carrying with me for many years now. It begins in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, where I was an undergraduate at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. In many ways, this is the romantic tragedy that has defined my relationship to love and to men since that time. I don't usually write this kind of deeply personal story, but I need to tell it. I know that if I do not get it out of me and onto paper, it will only continue to haunt me for years to come. Thank you for listening, and for bearing with me.
So let me begin.
I met him my junor year of college in my Feminist Philosophy class. It was well over halfway through the semester when we crossed paths. It's not that the class was particularly large -- indeed, there were maybe only thirty people enrolled and the classroom was narrow and cramped. But I was supsicious of him from the very first time I saw him: Tall, dark hair, handsome, and a large cross dangling from his neck. At the time, I was knee-deep in a campus culture-war with a Christian student organization which had come under fire for forbidding openly gay and lesbian members from holding official posts. As ridiculous as it may seem, his necklace was for me at that time more than just a sign of faith, but of political commitments.
He was pale and wore glasses, beautiful in a wholesome, simple kind of way. He wore sweaters over button-up shirts, and the overall effect was to come across as a whole-milk-drinking, church-going, future-Father-of-America. He never spoke much in class, but rather seemed to listen intently to what others had to say. So you can imagine my surprise one day when, during a critical discussion of binary gender roles, he raised his hand, brow furrowed, and asked our professor, "If binary gender roles are so deeply problematic, then why don't we simply get rid of them altogether?" I broke out in applause, startling both him and our instructor. I was dumbfounded! Who did this boy think he was? I was the one who usually made ridiculously radical statements about destroying patriarchy and gender oppression in this class! I was shocked. I was flabbergasted. But mostly, I was turned on.
I awoke my second night during my Christmas vacation in North Carolina to a horrible burning sensation in my left hand. Not quite the same as the "pins and needles" you feel when a limb falls asleep, more like a singing pain mixed with a dose of strange numbness. I rolled over to a different position, thinking that my circulation had simply been obstructed (I owe my bad circulation to my mother), but to no avail. The pain persisted. I finally found a comfortable position to lie in, and managed to fall back asleep.
But the next night, the pain returned. It continued throughout my holiday, progressively getting worse and preventing me from sleeping a full night without waking up. Sometimes it was mild -- an annoying, lingering feeling that just barely prevented my slumber. Sometimes it was agonizing, causing me to double over with tears welling up in my eyes. What was happening to me? Arthritis? I'm only 25 for fuck's sake! I asked my family members, but they all regarded me with suspicion as I may have a habit of hyberbole from time to time. But this was no exaggeration: I was in pain.
It didn't take me long to suspect that the culprit was likely carpal tunnels syndrome. I'm a computer addict -- and have been since I was very young. I think I published my first website when I was thirteen ("No Doubt Emporium," a fan site dedicated to the band). A quick read of the Wikipedia entry regarding the problem confirmed my suspicion:
Many people that have carpal tunnel syndrome have gradually increasing symptoms over time. The first symptoms of CTS may appear when sleeping and typically include numbness and paresthesia (a burning and tingling sensation) in the thumb, index, and middle fingers, although some patients may experience symptoms in the palm as well.[3] These symptoms appear at night because we tend to bend our wrists when we sleep, which further compresses the carpal tunnel.
The pain I had been experiencing was this "paresthesia." I decided not to see a doctor, as I believed I had found the problem's source and a potential remedy for the time being. I went to the pharmacy the next day and I bought the lovely wrist brace you see in the photo above. It's god-awful ugly, but relatively comfortable. And best of all: my symptoms are gone. No more waking up at night to searing pain in my hand. Just pleasant sleep. Thank God for that. Now if I can just find a Bedazzler for cheap on Ebay and pimp this brace out...
If I've learned anything from this ordeal, it's that our bodies can be terribly uncooperative. I'm 25 and will likely wear this brace to sleep for many years to come -- perhaps until I die if I never have a surgical intervention. I imagine rolling over and wrapping my arm around my lover in a daze while the sun is rising, only to hear his screams of terror when this brace lands with a thud on his side. Very sexy. Ugh.
I was having lunch today with my longtime friend Jon Darcey -- who I met online via IRC when we were both confused gay 14 y/o's in North Carolina -- and we were talking about his potential upcoming move to New York City. He was excited because his good friend Grasan has offered to let him stay with him for a while if he makes the move -- after, that is, Grasan wraps up his national tour of The Color Purple. Well damned if I didn't come home from lunch to find JMG had posted this video of Grasan and two castmates performing Beyonce's Single Ladies on the set of their tour. Jeebus. It's a super small gay world. They tear it up -- but the cameraman cut out one of the poor fellas. Grasan's that lovely man in the middle. Enjoy!
Me and my parents' arthritic singing Santa, who you kind of have to molest to get his arms to move anymore. Actually, his arms never move if it's raining or very cold -- hence, my diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis.
Things are well here in North Carolina. It was sunny and nearly 70 degrees today. 70 degrees! Jeebus. I bought some lovely D&G sunglasses that are pretty fierce, thinking I'd have to wait till May to rock them. Oh no. I wore those beasts today while cruising around town today. Amazing.
Sigh. Blogging's still slow, clearly. After several 20 page papers at the end-of-term, writing is still not my friend. My carpal tunnel needs a break!
Phew. After an all-day calorie-fest -- beginning with a Chik-Fil-A chicken biscuit, and ending with a Bojangles biscuit stuffed with glazed ham (that's how we roll in the South) -- I'm finally tucked in for the night. Tomorrow, the calorie-fest continues with a breakfast of homemade cinnamon buns, sausage-egg casserole, and cheese grits. Then lunch: turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and gravy. And dinner: leftovers. Then some more. And then: death.
The best part: The hot tub after it all, with a glass of wine, and the warm Carolina air. Sigh. God bless the South.
1) Watching my mom and her two sisters trying to figure out how to use their cell phones. "Well how in the hell do you use this thing?" I showed my aunt how to text her daughter, and she texted back, "I'm so proud of you!" Amazing.
2) My grandma. Reads. My. Blog. omfg.
3) Aunt: "Your mother would always torture me growing up. She was terrible. You always torture the younger ones." Mom: "Steve would torture both of us! He made us eat buttons! I'm *serious*! But I'd just go in there and beat the shit out of Lynn and that' be the end of that." Cousin: "What ever happened to those buttons?"
Oy! Life has been hectic these past few days, hence the slow rate of blogging recently. Things will continue to be slow, as:
1) I'm flying home to North Carolina for Thanksgiving today. Yay!
2) I've been collaborating on a huge new project that will be announced soon. It will rock your face off.
3) I've been writing my bottom identity paper. Tentative title: "Circuits of Pleasure, Circuits of Power: Sexual Scripting in Gay Men's Bottom Narratives." Sexy, eh? :)
#2 is so exciting. I can barely hold it inside. You'll know soon enough. Next week, I hope!
OMG, so No Doubt is coming back for a tour next year, which they hope will inspire the writing and recording of their next album!!!! My first concert ever was their Tragic Kingdom tour stop in Charlotte, NC back in 1997 -- I was in the like fourth row!! Oy vey. Memories!! Can't wait to find out their tour dates!!
President-elect Obama won North Carolina on Thursday, a symbolic triumph that underscored his political strength as he turned nine states that President Bush won in 2004 to Democratic blue.
The Associated Press declared Obama the winner after canvassing counties in North Carolina to determine the number of outstanding provisional ballots. That survey found that there are not enough remaining ballots for Republican John McCain to close a 13,693-vote deficit.
North Carolina's 15 electoral votes brings Obama's total to 364 -- nearly 100 more than necessary to win the White House -- to McCain's 162. Missouri is the only state that remains too close to call, with McCain leading by several thousand votes.
I'm really quite shocked. I was worried over reports from the South over longtimer Democratic voters switching for McCain because Obama's Black. And by reports, I mean my grandmother telling me she intended to do just that. Bless her heart. But Obama has triumphed! And I'm so thrilled! YEA North Carolina!!!!!!!!
Q-Notes has just published this rather unsatisfactory editorial regarding the case I reported on last week in which a NC DJ was arrested for having unprotected sex (which was a term of his probation for a prior conviction of "spreading communicable diseases").
I'm headed out the door, so I'll have to add more of my thoughts later. But initially it just seems that they've repeated every cliched argument about poz guys / HIV / "responsibility" they could dig up. Perhaps the most ridiculous claim: "Lastly, remember that Q-Notes is a newspaper, not an advocacy organization." Riiiiiiiiiiight. That's the kind of thing you say when you want to justify your already glaringly apparent bias.
More later! Must go! Headed to Detroit to explore the city. But do leave some thoughts here for digestion!
Editorial: Raleigh HIV case warrants news coverage
by Q-Notes Staff | November 1st, 2008
Since the publication of our Oct. 23 web story “Gay DJ put on house arrest for second HIV violation,” Q-Notes has received some pointed criticism. We welcome this exchange of ideas and want our readers to know the reasons we decided to publish the story online, why a version appears in this issue and how we came to the conclusion that it was newsworthy. (See story: House arrest for Gay DJ’s second HIV violation)
The editorial staff first became aware of Joshua Waldon Weaver in late August, as we were preparing our Sept. 6 issue. Ironically, we were chastised by a member of the community for not covering the story quickly enough.
Weaver had just been convicted of violating state health regulations governing the spread of communicable diseases including HIV, as well as others such as tuberculosis. As previously reported, Weaver admitted in court and to Q-Notes via phone that he had unprotected sex with three men and failed to disclose his HIV-positive status.
For pleading guilty in the case, Weaver received a 40-day suspended jail sentence and probation. Terms of his probation ordered him to comply with communicable disease control measures set by the state, such as using a condom and utilizing other safe sex practices.
It is important to note that the court and the state have never said an HIV-positive person cannot or should not engage in sex. That the State of North Carolina and its courts publicly recognize the validity and need for intimacy among gay males is a fact to be applauded. We commend state government for this vital recognition of LGBT and HIV-positive people’s right to sexual privacy and freedom.
In our Sept. 6 story, we contacted HIV/AIDS advocates and asked them about the efficacy and application of the laws applied to Weaver’s case. We believe we handled this complicated issue sensitively and reached acceptable conclusions to the key questions: Are these laws necessary? (Yes.) When and how are they enforced? (Rarely and in extreme circumstances.) What is the obligation of a person with HIV? (Disclose his or her status to their sexual partners.)
Matt Comer’s Editor’s Note in the Sept. 20 issue (“New HIV numbers should spark action”) took members of the LGBT community to task for caring too little about their sexual health and failing to practice safe sex. The piece delved into a plethora of cultural and societal conditions that contribute to the ongoing HIV/AIDS crisis among gay and bisexual men and men who have sex with men (MSM) but do not identify as gay.
In the end, Comer encouraged LGBT people to address these complex issues openly, while at the same time taking more personal responsibility for their own safe sex practices and sexual health.
Weaver jumped back on our radar late last month when he admitted in open court that he had already broken his probation orders. It is not our intent to demonize this man, but he continues to behave in reckless and negligent ways that not only endanger his own health, but also the health of others.
In cases such as these, when a person is a threat to himself and others, we expect our government to step in. Weaver has shown that he is not willing to take precautions in the interest of public health. While his sexual partners also bear responsibility for their behavior, it is Weaver’s duty alone to follow the law, inform his partners of his status and wear a condom during sex.
Among the criticism directed toward us, there’s been discussion about the stigma surrounding HIV and AIDS. Some have stated that our coverage only adds to this stigma. In reality, isn’t it Weaver’s own behavior that adds to the stigma? When many people, gay or straight, think of people with HIV, they think of the stereotype of the unrepentant man who repeatedly engages in dangerous behavior wantonly infecting others. Rightly or wrongly, Weaver is fueling this image.
Lastly, remember that Q-Notes is a newspaper, not an advocacy organization. People tend to forget this because our reporting comes from a decidedly pro-LGBT ideological stance. Nonetheless, it is paramount that we guard against becoming an uncritical cheerleader for the community.
When there are issues or people that deserve criticism, it is our responsibility to report it. And when Q-Notes deserves criticism, it is our obligation to air your concerns. There’s a reason why letters to the editor and uncensored web comments are accepted — utilize these outlets and blister us whenever you feel aggrieved. We can handle it.
More than anything, we hope our coverage of this unfortunate situation leads to an honest and open discussion about HIV, AIDS and sexual behavior among men in the LGBT community.
For instance, why do so many gay and bisexual men seemingly refuse to take personal responsibility for their own health? Why have we practically fetishized an extremely risky sexual practice (anonymous, bareback sex)? Why don’t we push our elected leaders to do more? Why would we rather watch the Oscars and go clubbing than lobby for more HIV/AIDS funding and comprehensive sex education?
For our community’s health and welfare, we’re willing to have these difficult conversations. Are you?
This new ad from NC-Senator Elizabeth Dole is pretty despicable. Since Dole is down in the polls -- it looks likely she'll be ousted from her Senate seat come next week -- she's resorted to nasty smear tactics to try to regain some footing. Her claim: Kay Hagan is godless. From the Huff Post:
Dole's 30-second ad, which is running on television in North Carolina but has not (understandably) been promoted by the GOP, uses a September fundraiser co-hosted by 40 people, including a representative of the Godless America PAC, to falsely accuse Democrat Kay Hagan of being an atheist herself.
The end of the ad features a picture of Hagan with a female voice yelling "there is no God!" -- the clear implication is that the voice is Hagan's. In fact, the Democratic candidate is a Sunday School teacher and an elder at her Presbyterian church.
The Charlotte Observer reported Wednesday morning that Hagan's campaign is seeking a "cease and desist" order against Dole's new attack.
"A leader of the Godless Americans PAC recently held a secret fundraiser in Kay Hagan's honor," the ad begins, showing some ominously blurred footage, ostensibly of the event in question. The ad then quotes the group's Ellen Johnson making atheist claims on two cable news shows. Summing up, the spot asks: "Godless Americans and Kay Hagan. She hid from cameras, took Godless money. What did Hagan promise in return?"
Two weeks ago, when the National Republican Senatorial Committee launched a similar attack, the Fayettville Observer described it as "the nastiest, most misleading, negative ad of the campaign."
Oh but how sweet her defeat will taste come Tuesday. As a North Carolinian myself, I sincerely hope for Hagan's triumph over Dole.
I don't even know what to say about this story. I know this person from my years spent in Chapel Hill, going to the gay bar in nearby Raleigh, Legends. I'm upset by a few things:
1) That he was arrested in the first place. Criminalizing sex and HIV-positive people's lives is not only unethical but a dangerous practice that will undoubtedly stoke the flames of hate and stigma against Poz people.
2) That Q-Notes (Charlotte's gay newspaper) published his photo. You should know better! I'm so fucking disappointed about this decision. It's no different that newspapers in the 1950s posting photos of gay men arrested for having sex.
3) That his engaging unprotected sex is license for them to order him to a "psychological evaluation." The message is clear: you have to be crazy to have unprotected sex or not disclose your HIV status. But in a climate filled with stigma and hate against Poz people, it's no wonder that he didn't choose to do so.
That's only the tip of the iceberg, I'm sure. Why do you think he didn't disclose to his partners in North Carolina? Oh that's right, because HIV is so stigmatized there that Poz folks there feel like lepers in the community. We know so little from this story. Were his partners negative? Did he top them?
I'm so upset about this. It makes me want to cry and scream and vomit all at the same time. I don't just want to write a letter about this. I want to intervene in some way. To call the system out for its injustice and pathologizing actions. I'm disgusted. And sad. Deeply sad.
Here's the "story" from Q-Notes. I've bolded the parts that piss me off the most:
A gay disc jockey in Raleigh originally convicted of violating HIV infection regulations in August has been placed on house arrest after admitting he broke probation orders in early October.
On Sept. 6, Q-Notes reported that Joshua Waldon Weaver, 23, who works in clubs in Raleigh and Wilmington, pleaded guilty to charges that he failed to disclose his HIV-positive status and engaged in unprotected sex with three people. Weaver was given a suspended jail sentence and placed on probation. The terms of his probation ordered Weaver to use protection when engaging in sexual activity.
About two weeks ago Weaver was arrested after Wake County Public Health officials contacted his probation officer with information that he had possibly violated court orders by having sex without a condom. Assistant District attorney Boz Zellinger told The News & Observer that health officials became aware of the DJ’s violation after he contracted another sexually transmitted disease that could have been prevented by the use of a condom.
Weaver could have faced 40 days in jail for his most recent violation, but District Court Judge Jacqueline Brewer instead sentenced him to six months of electronically-monitored house arrest. He will not be allowed to leave his father’s house except for probation-approved employment. Brewer also ordered Weaver to undergo a psychological evaluation..
If Weaver breaks his probation again, he will face up to 25 days in jail and prosecutors will ask for a two-year quarantine in a state prison hospital.
“His behavior hasn’t changed,” Zellinger told the Raleigh newspaper after the hearing. “We’re trying to address the callousness his actions have demonstrated.”
Zellinger added, “It’s not a witch hunt. It’s a desire to change his behavior to benefit the community.”
Weaver’s attorney, Evonne Hopkins, who declined to speak with Q-Notes for our original Sept. 6 story, said she’s “confident we will not be back here.”
“Josh is very sorry we’re back in court,” she said.
North Carolina Administrative Code 10-41 and North Carolina General Statute 130A-144(f) address control measures regarding the spread of HIV and require those with communicable diseases — including other sexually transmitted diseases, hepatitis and tuberculosis — to comply with measures intended to curb their proliferation.
Weaver is only the second Wake County resident in 15 years to be sentenced for failing to follow laws governing the transmission of communicable diseases, according to The News & Observer. In 2007, only 16 people statwide [sic] were convicted of violating the communicable disease law. Rather than HIV, many of the instances were related to diseases such as tuberculosis or hepatitis.
UGH! This people don't fucking get it!
UPDATE: From the comments section of the Q-Notes newsstory. Looks like Q-Notes will be providing some feedback on their coverage in an upcoming editorial on Nov 1st. I've been rankling them in the comments and on of course here on my blog. I hope this will be a positive (so to speak) move:
Trevor, et al.,
Q-Notes will be publishing a staff editorial addressing this issue in the Nov. 1 print edition. The editorial will also appear online the same day.
In case there is some confusion, please note that this story, as noted in the text, is a follow-up to a Sept. 6 article:
We encourage concerned readers to guard against making conclusions that are not supported by the facts as reported in this story, in the Sept. 6 report or any other report by other news agencies. Further, we encourage readers to also guard against making personal and/or ad hominem attacks against the subject of the article or those participating in community discussion on this website.
Q-Notes reserves the right to remove or edit obscene, unsubstantiated or overly offensive remarks or comments. We remind our readers of our website’s terms and conditions.
I encourage those with concerns and questions to contact me directly via phone (office, 704-531-9988, ext. 208) and email (editor@q-notes.com).
After all, she doesn't even live in North Carolina:
Dole's polling awfully these days, a sign that perhaps NC voters are coming around! I hope so! North Carolina -- my home state -- deserves much better than she could ever offer.
Here's brownsox @ DailyKos on the latest PPP polls from NC for Dole and for President:
Very impressive numbers for Hagan - the best she has shown all cycle, even after a series of impressive polls for the Democratic candidate.
PPP is known as a Dem-leaning pollster, though a generally reliable and trustworthy one. These results are also not out of line with PPP's previous polls in the state. We'll be waiting anxiously for confirmation of this poll.
If the poll is accurate, it's simply awful news for incumbent Elizabeth Dole. Polling at 38% is always terrible news for an incumbent, but it could be the kiss of death five weeks before the election.
The results are every bit as good in the presidential race, relative to previous numbers:
Pretty much in line with prior PPP polling. This poll would appear to solidify the new conventional wisdom that North Carolina, with its 15 electoral votes, is too close to call at this point.
That's a remarkable statement, considering even Bill Clinton failed to win North Carolina in both campaigns. If this poll resembles his internals - and it dovetails with Pollster's recent trends - John McCain must be weeping.
Trevor in costume as Mercutio in Romeo and Juliet (11th Grade)
I was interviewed for a documentary about gay male culture and masculinity, and afterwards the filmmaker requested that I try to dig up some old photos of me for the project. It was perfect timing, as I was interviewed last week just before I was to fly home to North Carolina for a day before my cousin's wedding (more on that in a future post!). I dug through my parent's dozens of photo albums and came up with these gems. My BFF Karen from high school (the nurse in R&J above, to my right, and who accompanied me to junior prom) also donated a few to the cause. I couldn't help but share!
My last night in San Francisco is upon me! Tonight I meet up with Jen and Bonnie for a farewell dinner before I'm off, back to North Carolina. Oy! What a beautiful summer it's been! So many good memories. So many good friends. I'll miss ya, SF! But I can't wait to get back in the action, and start writing up my research project on bottoms that I've been working on here in SF for the past three months. Good times!
In any case, I may be slow to post over the next few days as I make my way back from San Francisco to North Carolina, to then turn around and drive to Virginia for my cousin's wedding, only to then leave quickly to drive to Michigan! Phew! And then of course three days of graduate instructor orientation begins THE VERY NEXT DAY. Fuck that!
When we were at the beach last week, my cousin Lori was excited because her name had been drawn as part of a local radio station contest for brides-to-be. Getting her name drawn meant that she would compete against thirty other brides -- all in their wedding gowns -- at Paramount's King's Dominion amusement park for a honeymoon cruise. Well, Lori competed yesterday and I'm THRILLED to say that she won! How ridiculous is that??? The photo above is her dad -- who helped her get through the park -- pouring water on her after her victory run. So exciting! She's getting married in August. Hopefully she can arrange the cruise for then. You can see more silly photos of the event here. Congrats to her!
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Pam's House Blend
She's a fabulous North Carolinian blogging about politics, LGBT and women's rights, the influence of the far Right, and race relations. What more can I say?
