May 2008 Archives

(SPOILER ALERT - just so you know)

So, because we're ladies of leisure, Jackson, Troy, and I all work up early this morning to walk downtown, have some breakfast, and see the new "Sex and the City" movie. At 11:00 AM. What can we say, we like doing things on the cheap, and most of the evening screenings were sold out when we finally booked tickets a few days ago.

We were all pretty psyched -- Troy and I had formed our friendship over late nights of SATC marathon screenings. We'd pick a season, and spend the day lazily watching with various snacks in hand. Ah, college life. Much has changed since then. We spent two years living together in the big city, and the series has long left the air. But our love affair with the show had not ended.

I left the theater feeling... heavy. Ponderous. Could it be true? Was the movie as bad as my initial reaction seemed to indicate? I wanted cupcakes but instead I got one of those prison cakes with a crowbar backed inside. Bloated contrite. The whole thing was just a mess. From the very beginning, when they inundate the audience with clips from the TV series (as if any of us need catching up?), I was uncomfortable. Clearly, we're here -- we saw the show. Don't waste our time.

But waste our time this film does (okay enough Yoda talk). It adds nothing to the series. In fact, in hindsight it might actually do more to hurt the series. It was all cute at the end of the show when we finally learned that Mr. Big was actually named John. But he was always Mr. Big. That was his thing. So having him here, having to be a main character with a real name feels terribly awkward.

And Steve and Miranda. Sigh. I love Steve. Perhaps the best man that ever came through the series. Lovable. Caring. Genuine. And what a great accent! Oh yea, and his hot butt doesn't hurt matters either. Total keeper. So when they split over him having sex with someone else we never see, it feels rushed and somewhat unbelievable. There's no development leading to that point -- it just sort of happens. But I will say this: Miranda looks great. There's a steamy sex scene with her in the nude -- and she looks fantastic. Bravo, lady!

But, in general, the sex in the movie feels sort of lurid. I can't place it. Somehow, at home in my living room, I could feel a bit embarrassed about the over-the-top sexual shenanigans -- that was part of the fun. But they're very fleeting here, and in general lackluster. The frankness of the sex on TV was what made the show so refreshing, but there's hardly any sex to be found here. And I can't play why just now, but the sex all made me uncomfortable. It almost felt like the directors were ashamed to add it in. There's no foreplay or buildup to it. We just cut directly to penetration, or of course the rollover. No good making out to be found here. It's boring stuff.

Samantha may be this movie's saving grace. Her character deserves her own show. Her own movie. Something more. Kim Cattrall dazzles on screen. She sparkles. She's magnificent. I want to build a monument in her honor. She's just a gem. She's the only character that, after leaving the movie, I thought to myself, "Huh. I'd like to see more from her." After 2 and half hours of the rest of the ladies, I was ready to kiss them goodbye.

And can I just say, for the record, Stanford Blatch (Carrie's bald gay friend) and Anthony Maratino (Charlotte's gay wedding planner) would NEVER be friends. Never. I can't believe the directors had the audacity to ensue that over time that had warmed up to each other. Mario Catone (who plays Anthony) is godawful, and his character is just as toxic as his heinously revolting real life persona. Stanford, on the other hand, is wholly innocuous (though I never believed his friendship with Carrie). I was so peeved that they threw that little detail in. Ugh!

The verdict: leave the dead where they lie. Except maybe for Samantha. Give that lady her own movie. I want more more more!!!!!