So I woke up around 2:30 today, expecting to lay in bed casually for a while before starting on my theory paper. As per usual, I was casually flipping through the news online when I stumbled upon this shocking headline: "Dumbledore is gay, 'Potter' author says." WTF? Yes, it seems that our favorite headmaster of Hogwart's was a closeted homosexual all these years.

Unbenownst to Rowling, queer literary scholars across the globe pissed their pants this morning upon reading the news. Somewhere, a literary scholar was just gifted a career out of queer readings of the Potter "texts." With seven of those hefty books now needing some queer attention, there's a lot of work to be done! Oy vey!

Seemingly aware of it's potential perverse impact online, Rowling dished about Dumbledore's love for his foe Grindelwald, and then exclaimed, "Oh, my God. The fan fiction!" Thousands of confused 14 year old boys (and some 35 year old straight women) are in their bedrooms furiously typing away as we speak. Oh the places wands will go!