Okay, so I've had this conversation below 8,525,834 times on Manhunt, Gay.com, Craigslist, and a host of other online gay communities. It's always the same. We talk. We exchange photos. We're both into each other. Then he asks if I'm "straight acting" or "masc." I don't know how to answer -- it's always a trap. You can only say yes -- any other answer is illegible / confusing / confrontational.

Tonight -- yet again -- I was chatting with this hottie that I've spoken to a few times before. The conversation started off a little weird - not sure if he was drunk or just unable to spell words accurately. In any case, it came to a screeching halt when he asked me if people would know I was gay if I didn't tell them. Like, duh!

It's not like I don't think guys have a right to be interested in certain kinds of guys. But it's the kind of bullshit dance that goes on over claiming being "straight acting" or "masculine." It's never an honest or open question; it's really just a script with an expected right answer. In this set-up, if I'm not "straight acting," I must be a drag queen. There is no middle ground to be found.

It's infuriating / demoralizing. Sometimes I stop and think, "I've dedicated my life to fighting for these assholes?" Ughhhh!

Here's the convo with "Samuel" (obviously not his real name):

Samuel: so

Samuel: I am gay

Samuel: but I am very masc

Samuel: how are you

Me: Well I'm gay. And I dunno, I'm somewhere in the happy middle.

Samuel: you know what I mean. people wouldn't know I was gay unless I told them

Samuel: would they know about you

Samuel: I mean

Me: Hah. Yes. They know.

Samuel: you know

Me: I haven't had to come out to anyone in years.

Samuel: ha ha. Not that. It is just that I don't like femme guys. Usually, if someone can tell you are gay without you tellin' them, the ou are femme

Samuel: that's all

Me: Well honestly if you're not into guys who are femme at all, we won't get along very well :)

Samuel: really

Samuel: are you a femme? yo didn't look like it

Samuel: but if you are

Samuel: you are right

Samuel: I don't like girly guys

Me: Yes you've made that perfectly clear

Samuel: well. are you girly???

Samuel: it's cool if you are

Samuel: maybe you can change my opinion

Me: lol - I don't even know what to say to you right now

Samuel: but

Samuel: I don't like guys who use words like

Samuel: fabolous

Samuel: lol

Samuel: and wear rhinestones

Me: Right. Well, like I said, I think it's clear we're not a match, then.

Samuel: cool man

Samuel: guess we just stop now then

Samuel: thanks for bein' honest

Samuel: later man

Me: Nite.

Samuel: hope you find what youa re lookin for