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March 24, 2009

Breaking Condoms
FILED UNDER: "Gay Men's Health & Culture"
TAGS: condomsgay men's health
By Trevor

broken_condom_kids_shirt.jpg

So I have a bit of an embarrassing question for folks with some knowledge in the area. I've been casually seeing a guy for a bit now, and every time we go to have sex, the condom breaks. I've never had a condom break in my presence in my entire (prolific) sexual career, but it usually takes three condom-attempts before a successful try. Yes, that means that he usually breaks two condoms before we get one that doesn't break. It always happens immediately when he tries to start fucking. I don't know what's up! It's so bizarre to me. We always laugh about it and get another, but condoms are *expensive* and we've gone through dozens in just a few meetings. lol. That sounds like bragging, but really it's not! I promise!

Any ideas? I thought perhaps it's because he's leaving air in the tip when he puts it on, but that seems to be a pretty dramatic response to that common problem -- it's something that lots of guys do, but usually only results (to my knowledge) in a break when the guy cums. In any case, I'd like to solve this mystery before we manage to go through another dozen. Let me know any thoughts!

PERMALINK | Posted at 10:19 AM | Post a Comment (11)

11 Comments

Is your guy particularly large? (Not to give you further opportunity to brag about your exciting sex life! LOL) If so, then that might be an issue. But in the absence of those juicy details...lol....

....Sounds like it could be a not enough air (because I assume you meant to type that he is NOT leaving air in the tip) or not enough lube issue to me. If there isn't any air at the tip it's certainly possible that when he starts to fuck you the end overstretches and the condom breaks....or if there isn't enough lube to reduce friction at that "point of entry" I imagine a similar phenomenon might occur. So try more air and/or more lube and see what happens.

And...not for nothing....but condoms are expensive?! You actually PAY for condoms?! LOL Sweetie---I guess one of the benefits of working for a government funded ASO is access to free, unlimited condom supplies. Send me an email with your address and I will GLADLY send you a "care package" so you can save up your money for other things (like trips to Chicago in August)!!!!

Erik | March 24, 2009 5:54 PM

lol Without going into any sorted details, I don't think size is the issue at hand.

But my dear, Condom 101 says to pinch the tip so as to NOT have air in the tip. I'm confused by your comment. E.g: this link

I was really just referring to the cost of condoms generally. I actually don't myself pay for them -- I grab them at clubs or at ASO events -- but still it's quite a waste of resources.

A friend suggested applying a small amount of lube before applying the condom, which may be a solid idea. But still, I'm stumped.

Trevor Hoppe | March 24, 2009 6:36 PM

no-----you're right.....i used the wrong word....AIR in the tip would be wrong...what I meant was not enough ROOM left in the tip. You're right it shoudln't be air like in a balloon, but we do encourage folks to leave a little extra space at the end there (pinched so as not to be filled with air). This extra space provides room for his cum if she cums while still wearing the condom....but it also could give a little extra "wiggle room" to decrease the pressure (especially when first starting to enter).

Lube in the tip of the condom is a solid piece of advice. Actually the educators at our agency routinely tell peopel to do that....although I must confess that I have never actually done it.

Erik | March 24, 2009 6:47 PM

*oops* Just noticed I typed "when she cums" instead of "when he cums"

Erik | March 24, 2009 6:51 PM

I wonder if it's a latex issue. Perhaps the intensity of your lust for one another and your combined body chemistry is breaking down the integrity of the condom. I don't think I'm totally talking out of my ass here.

Can I suggest trying a polyurethane condom and seeing if there is a different result?

(BTW-The verification word I have to type below is 'mattress')

Marcus G | March 25, 2009 10:22 AM

Trying polyurethane condoms is an interesting suggestion....although they're more expensive and sometimes harder to come by. (Lots of ASO's, at list in our area, don't give out free poly condoms).

Another idea in that direction would be to try using the Reality (aka "female") condom---which many ASO's do give out for free (including mine...again...a "care package" could arrive at your doorstep for the asking! *wink*). The Reality condoms is a poly condom, it's also much larger so it's unlikely to break....AND you consider using it for bottoming as an act of civil/sexual disobedience!! hehehe

If you keep up with Jim Pickett's musings on the Rectal Microbicides listserve you'll know there's high drama right now about people claiming Reality shouldn't be usedy anally because it "isn't FDA approved for that use"----because heaven KNOWS that finding healthy ways for queer men to get fucked is WAY at the top of the FDA's priority list! *rolls eyes*

Erik | March 25, 2009 10:34 AM

Try a different brand of condoms. You can get a large sample pack of condoms at the condom 101 store and just try a bunch of different ones.

It's not necessarily the size but the shape, style etc. Have fun.

Andrew Inman | March 26, 2009 1:00 AM

Different styles of condoms is a good suggestion, too. We used to (don't know if we still do) carry a kind of condom that a really expanded head area that was loose around the entire head of the penis. If, indeed, the breakage issues are caused by friction tension at entry then something like that might help, too.

Erik | March 26, 2009 8:58 AM

A couple of the usual problems:

1) Wrong size. Blah, blah, blah. I usually don't buy this with guys, but it's something to think about.

2) Wrong condom. Try a different brand, see if it's a QA issue.

3) Air/room controversy. Leave room for the load, not air for it.

4) LOOSEN UP TREVOR. RELAX. :-)

5) Lube. It should be put in three places:

a) on the tip of the condom and along the shaft (duh)

b) inside of the bottom -- actually INSIDE, not just on the surface

c) two-three drops inside the condom (increases his pleasure -- just drop two or three into the tip before it's put on)

I also have never had a condom break around me. I thought it was a myth.

QueerCincinnati | March 26, 2009 6:08 PM

What a curious problem! It's not something obvious like you or your chemist is storing them on top of a heater?

Daniel | March 26, 2009 10:08 PM

Wow what a great batch of feedback, guys! I don't know that anyone has really hit the nail on something I hadn't thought of, but I'll be extra sure to put these things into practice. And no Daniel my condoms haven't been sitting on top of my radiator! lol. That would be somewhat amusing though.

Trevor Hoppe | March 27, 2009 2:27 PM


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